Do you long for more confidence when speaking or writing? When we desire to strengthen a skill, it often starts with eliminating bad habits. When it comes to communication, it's easier to start with written communication because we have the power of time on our hands. You can pause before hitting send on what you write and it will help you develop good habits that will translate into how you talk as well.
This week, before hitting send on any written communication (texts, messages, emails, posts, articles, etc.), remove any confidence-draining words. Here are a few ideas:
Remove Deflators
Deflators are words that weaken your authority and acknowledgments. Examples include:
actually
almost
just
pretty
kind of
I would rather hear, "that's good," than, "Hey, that's actually pretty good," when someone comments on my effort - whether that be in the kitchen, the classroom or the board room. Filler words detract from the sincerity of the sentiment you wish to convey. In this specific example, "actually" and "pretty" create an element of shock that what they experienced is good. The same applies to your own authority. Compare these:
"I just want to say this has been a remarkable experience."
"This has been a remarkable experience."
The second is far more powerful and direct.
Replace "I'm Sorry" with "Thank You"
Do not mistake this suggestion as a way to avoid accountability. If you did something wrong, take ownership and apologize.
However, if you haven’t done anything wrong, overusing "I'm sorry" dilutes its sincerity and your confidence. Replace it with gratitude instead.
Choosing "thank you" shifts the tone to appreciation and focuses on positive acknowledgment. These expressions are joy-filled, not shame-filled.
Examples:
"I'm sorry it's taking so long..." → "Thank you for your patience."
"I'm sorry for missing the meeting..." → "Thank you for understanding my decision to prioritize my daughter's school play."
"I'm sorry for bothering you..." → "Thank you for your time."
Remove Hedgers
Hedging words, phrases, and questions signal self-doubt, hesitancy, or avoidance of responsibility. Even when you're trying to ensure understanding, hedging softens your expertise.
Common Hedgers:
For the most part
Maybe
Nearly
On average
Perhaps
Possibly
Potentially
Probably/likely
So to speak
Questions like "Does that make sense?" or "Am I making sense?" also undermine your authority. If you want to confirm clarity, do so without implying that you may have been incoherent.
With hedging: "It’s possible I have found a solution for us to potentially consider." Without hedging: "I found a solution for us to consider."
Replace hedging questions or phases with:
"I look forward to hearing your thoughts."
"What questions do you have?"
Remove Disclaimers or Qualifiers
Words and phrases like truthfully, honestly, actually, and admittedly act as unnecessary qualifiers that weaken your message. Similarly, disclaimers such as, "I’m just thinking off the top of my head," or "I’m no expert," diminish your credibility.
Delete these phrases and state your point with confidence:
"I think this is the wrong direction for us to take."
"Does everyone feel sure about this direction?"
When choosing the question route, use questions only when they are strategic, not as a way to hide your ideas.
Speak with Strength and Purpose
Building confidence in your communication starts with eliminating habits that undermine your authority. When you remove deflators, replace unnecessary apologies with gratitude, and cut out hedgers or qualifiers, you will speak and write with greater impact.
Confident communication does not mean being perfect; it means showing up with purpose, ownership, and belief in your ideas. If you catch yourself in one of these bad habits, pause and say "I am going to rephrase that." The more you practice, the more naturally it will come.
CHALLENGE: Before you hit send or speak up this week, ask yourself: Am I conveying my message clearly, directly, and with confidence? The answer will guide you to communicate as the leader you are meant to be.
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